This is what yoga class sounds like

Breathe in. Breathe out. Make an ocean with your breathing. Mouth breathe as loud as you can. You’re safe here. Welcome to Vinshnasyna Level 1.

Breathe in. Table top. Breathe out, unfurling your stress like little tendrils on the newborn wind. Breathe in, cat. Breathe out, cow. Chattarandeeda vashnisha. You guys are beautiful.

Let’s cycle through your vishansynas. Downward facing dog. Kick your right leg up. Three legged dog. Writhing cat. Starfish. Half-dead pigeon. Press into the Earth. Listen to your body. Remember to breathe. Your smile could make Gandhi cry.

Now lie on your back. Close your eyes with intention. When thoughts pass through you, greet them but do not invite them in for tea. Let them roll off you like a gentle wave of patchouli-scented bliss. When you’re ready, bring yourself to a seated position, hands at heart center. Thank yourself for spending your time in such a kind way.

Namaste.