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October 30, 2011

This is funny in French


An appropriate response would be, "Hee hee hee, hon hon hon."

October 19, 2011

This is what yoga class sounds like


Breathe in. Breathe out. Make an ocean with your breathing. Mouth breathe as loud as you can. You’re safe here. Welcome to Vinshnasyna Level 1.

Breathe in. Table top. Breathe out, unfurling your stress like little tendrils on the newborn wind. Breathe in, cat. Breathe out, cow. Chattarandeeda vashnisha. You guys are beautiful.

Let’s cycle through your vishansynas. Downward facing dog. Kick your right leg up. Three legged dog. Writhing cat. Starfish. Half-dead pigeon. Press into the Earth. Listen to your body. Remember to breathe. Your smile could make Gandhi cry.

Now lie on your back. Close your eyes with intention. When thoughts pass through you, greet them but do not invite them in for tea. Let them roll off you like a gentle wave of patchouli-scented bliss. When you’re ready, bring yourself to a seated position, hands at heart center. Thank yourself for spending your time in such a kind way.

Namaste.

October 17, 2011

I think I just invented Cookie Pictionary

I am the newly minted chair of my office's Holiday Party Planning Committee. I was crowned last week, thrust into this all-important role that could build coworker morale to its very peak or dash it to tiny smithereens. The weight of what lies before me hangs on my shoulders like a mass of tangled holiday lights. The fates have spoken, and I will answer the jingly call of my duty or die trying! By my troth, this two-to-two-and-a-half-hour event will be my legacy.

Not be to be dramatic or anything.

Upon receiving my assignment my head immediately filled with a jumble of awesome and best-ever ideas. And then I learned my budget, and I had to scale back to pretty cool and definitely-not-awful ideas. The best so far?  
Image via here.
Cookie Pictionary.

The idea was conceived as a part of a non-athletic holiday obstacle course/relay. There would be a bucket full of holiday-themed words/phrases, like "reindeer" or "seasonal affective disorder." The contestant will pull one from the bucket and decorate a cookie to convey this word/phrase. As soon as a teammate of the contestant has guessed the word/phrase correctly, the contestant would consume the cookie and then have to sing a song whilst plagued by cookie dry mouth.

What other definitely-not-awful ideas do you have to make this the best Office Holiday Party known to man or beast?

October 16, 2011

Happiness Graph

This past week my coworker introduced to me the concept of the Happiness Graph, which she learned about from one of our guest conductors. At the end of each day, you rate your overall state on a scale from one to five, and you document the factors that contributed to it. Over time you can graph your feelings, and learn some interesting things about yourself. Maybe you're happiest when you've talked to your mother. Maybe you're saddest when it's sunny outside.

My coworker has been doing this for a few years, and was surprised to learn that she's most unhappy during the time between Christmas and New Years, when she has nothing to do and this feels unaccomplished. The conductor, who was back this week, told us he learned that being in a relationship has absolutely no bearing on how he feels-- when he's with someone he's a 3.8. When he's not: 3.8.

I've been feeling pretty badly about myself for the past couple of weeks, which I can mostly peg to an obsession with the series Breaking Bad. When I start a new series I race to finish it as soon as I can, gorging on episode after episode in a race to be the valedictorian of couch potato-ing. So for the past few weeks, instead of making a good dinner or going to the gym or cleaning the apartment, I was parked on the couch. I spent the work day in a haze, counting down the minutes before I could watch another ep. I felt awful after each round, so upset at all the time I'd wasted, but eventually my obsessive consumption had a different goal: I had to finish watching so I could be free.

I finally finished yesterday afternoon, and since then my life has been awesome. I did laundry. I'm back at the gym. Dude and I went to a concert and then paid homage to the new frozen yogurt joint in the hood. I ran into my buddy Merch at a yoga class and had a lovely time with her afterwards at the neighborhood tea shop. I read the Sunday paper. I made a delicious dinner and enjoyed it with Dude and my Star-Crossed Roommate of Yore. I'm blogging again. Post-Breaking Bad, my life has been a solid 4. Maybe a 4.3.

I feel pretty confident that I know what it takes to make me happy, but how long until another must-see show comes along and ruins my life?

October 1, 2011

Our marriage in a nutshell


Me: You should get up. My parents are going to be here soon.
Dude: (groggily) What time is it?
Me: 8:41.
Dude: Give me 10 more minutes.
Me: Actually, it's 9:00.
Dude: No it's not.
Me: Yes it is.
Dude: (rolling over) I know your tricks...