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November 7, 2011

Dec. 2: The day I join the 21st Century

Ever since I returned from France I've had an unsettled feeling I haven't experienced since my freshman year of college. I was what felt like the last holdout among my peers who had yet to purchase a cellphone. I looked on forlornly as my cooler, more technologically adept peers joyfully entered the names and digits of all their new buddies in their gleaming Motorolas.

Finally, when I started an internship in downtown Minneapolis at the start of my sophomore year I was feeling very dangerous about not having an immediately accessible phone that I could use to alert loved ones that I was about to die (which is usually the first thing that happens when you venture downtown), so I caved.

For the past few months I've been feeling similarly very dangerous about being armed with nothing but my dumbphone. My little brother and I were on a cross-metro journey to a friend's party on Saturday and got lost not once, not twice, but thrice. We were millimeters away from getting dead by all the crazies lurking on the side of the roads just waiting for victims like us. We would have never been in such a situation if we'd had a smartphone with GPS by our sides.

Luckily for me, the contract to which my three-year-old flip phone is attached will expire come Dec. 2. And then, my friends, I jump on the Dude's family plan and get the smartest of smartphones: the iPhone 4S.

I will immediately start doing such things as:
  • Actually looking at something interesting during the inevitable lull in conversation that is cue for everyone to start staring at their phones for five minutes. Currently all I can do is whip out my flippy and start punching it randomly while making "boop boop boop" noises and muttering, "Hmm... interesting."
  • Taking photos of garbage with really cool photo filters on Instagram and pretending it's art.
  • Checking in EVERYWHERE. My bed. My bus. My cube. My coworker's cube. The locker room. The yoga room. EVERYWHERE.
  • Mocking everyone who doesn't yet have a smartphone. "What is that??? A FLIP phone?! I haven't seen one of those in DAYS!"

1 comment:

  1. Smartphones = the death of rhetorical questions.

    I have thought about shedding my luddite-itude, but if everybody else has a smartphone, isn't that just more of a reason for me to NOT get one?