A conversation about animals, translated for your amusement

Secretary: It's cold, no?
Me: Yes, I have much cold. But all the same, it pleases me to not be at home, where there is such snow and such temperature that is frigid.
Secretary: It's better in the summer. Even in the spring.
Me: Yes, I am in accordance. It's better for the promenading of oneself by the river. Listen, do you celebrate the little animal tomorrow?
Secretary: (blank look)
Me: In the United States on the second of February we have a celebration for the little animal who kind of looks like a rat, or a beaver, and he looks at his shadow. In English it's "Groundhog."
Secretary: No, here in France we don't celebrate animals. We mostly celebrate saints.
Me: This is true? I thought this animal was known by all the world. If he sees his shadow there will pass six more weeks of winter.
Secretary: No, in France we have some legends about animals-- for example, if you hear an owl sing and you are very sick, in three days you will be dead. Also, snakes. We don't like snakes very much.
Me: I am in accordance.
Secretary: Do you have an animal?
Me: I don't, but my fiancé's family has a dog who is called Ella. She jumps and she is a redhead. She is too cute and I love her.
Secretary: Me, I like cats. My cat sleeps with me in my bed every night.
Me: Yes, that makes you more warm.
Secretary: I think animals are more loyal than men because they will never betray you!
Me: I am in accordance...?

And.... scene.

More news from the dead and dying animal beat

After the Windchill debacle of February 2008, I can’t claim to have been ignorant of what would happen when I wrote about a guy who hit a dog and is now suing the dog’s owners for damages to his car. Its name was Fester. It was a “special needs” dog after seizing as an infant and losing oxygen to the brain.

There was no way people weren’t going to “lap up” this “tail.” (Hyuk!)

When I got into the office I checked our website and, sure enough, it was the top-read story. It also had amassed three pages’ worth of comments from animal lovers and those with animal apathy alike. Then I got a call from a radio station in Montreal that wanted me to go on-air to comment on the story. Then I got another email from a nationwide Canadian station with the same request. Turns out the AP and Canadian Press had picked it up.

Those Canucks sure love their ailing critters.

I’ll update if I get impassioned pleas from animal lovers or more requests from the foreign press.