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January 11, 2009

If I was a rich girl...

  • I'd get my hairs cut. The last time they had some snip snips was in June, when I visited an onomatopoetic salon owned by a trio of ex-Soviets. It's been seven months. That's gross.
  • I'd pay off my student loans. True, $8K isn't all that much to be in debt after obtaining higher education, but it's demoralizing to think my net worth is less than zero.
  • I'd contribute obscene amounts to my 401(k) every month. I'd use my new time machine to retire at age 10.
  • I'd buy a house. It's the best time ever in the history of the world for a first-time buyer to put some roots down. At the very least, I'd move to a fancy pants apartment with its own washer and dryer and a couch longer than four feet.
  • I'd drink hot apple cider all day, every day. I'd get it imported from the southern hemisphere in the spring/summer. I'd build a greenhouse and fill it with apple trees that produce year-round, and then buy my very own apple press.
  • I'd buy that Ped Egg once and for all. While I was at it, I'd also get the blanket with sleeves, the sliders press and a Sham-Wow! for each room of my new house.
  • I'd get the coveted KitchenAid standing mixer with the ice cream attachment and make frozen treats so weird they'd put Iron Chef to shame. Meat ice cream, my friends: a traif dream.
  • I'd use the really spendy yarn to knit a coat of many colors. border=
(I googled "meat ice cream" and all I came up with was this lowsy tub of raw horse meat ice cream.)


  1. A few comments:

    1.) I also haven't had my hairs cut since June (which was at fantastic sam's...and AWFUL).

    2.) I have half of your student loan debt on my credit card alone. i'll be close to a mortgage in debt by may 2010 when i graduate. i am hoping this makes you feel better

    3.) To make me feel better, I'd like to mention that I have the kitchenaid professional mixer AND the ice cream maker attachment. YESSSSSSSS

  2. An onomotapeaic salon owned by ex-Soviets who wear sunglasses and wave at the crowed. Let's get all the details.

  3. The horse looks kind of scared on the ice cream container...

    And personally, I think I would have to go Snuggie before PedEgg.

  4. "An onomotapeaic salon owned by ex-Soviets who wear sunglasses and wave at the crowed. Let's get all the details."

    Yes, exactly. Were they all....(insert hand motions here)? Or was it more...(more hand motions)?

  5. I have a PedEgg. It's good ... but, truth be told, I was so psyched to own one and my standards were so high that it's a bit of a letdown.

    I got my hairs cut when I went to Wisconsin. My parents paid for it.

    I want a Snuggie so bad it hurts.

  6. Dude: Windchill ice cream!

  7. p.s. did arson leave BAM!? he's not listed on the website. i used to get my hairs did there in high school. they even permed my hair for me. i mostly liked the kids running around.