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January 26, 2009

Survival of the Toothless

I got my teeth cleaned this afternoon at my new dentist office, where the Michele Bachmann-look-alike told me I must be more evolved than other humans because wisdom teeth have never taken root in my gob. That's where our race is headed, she claimed.

The following rap immediately ensued:

Yo, yo, yo yo, yo-yo yo
Listen up y'all
This be the tale of a case where being toothless ain't bad
In fact
It means you're all evolved
('n shit)


I got my mouth bones all ready and clean
'Fraid my dentist would get up in my face 'n be mean
See, I ain't had the very best toothal luck
My last dentite drilled me till I was screaming, "Oh (sh)uck!"

I was a little bit nervous and a lot bit scared
But my girl Michele told me no need to be afeared
My fangs were dense, tha roots nice 'n strong
When'd I get my wisdoms pulled? Had it been long?

I laughed best as I could wif her digits in my mouf
"Gurrl, I ain't never had them! Grumble mumble krawf."
She looked at me as if I was all human ills' solution
And called her assistants to gaze on a product of human evolution

Compared to me, she knew her own mouth had failed
Compared to me, she may as well have a prehensile tail
When it comes time for breedin', my kids might have gills
But one thing's for certain: they'll have killer grills



  1. Wonderful rhymes my dear Neenuh.

  2. You worked in prehensile tail. I am forever your humble servant.

  3. This rap has made my day. My week. Possibly my month and maybe even my year. Fergie, you've been put on notice. Homegirl is coming on through.

  4. Dude! This girl got grit. And a song to sing it with. Yo!

  5. i'm in love with you. but where's the skeet skeet?

  6. Aw yeah.

    On the other hand, "Woger Weieht" is a lot more concise, and still makes me laugh harder.