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June 21, 2011


The other day I was at a gathering of old college buddies, some of whom I hadn't seen in four years. As each new person arrived, we went around the table and did the requisite, "My Current Life In Two Sentences or Less" speech. After a couple brewskis and some very potent communal drinks, I summed my life up thusly:

I glue paper to other pieces of paper and cut them into circles.

Man, my life is cool.

Let's review my goals for last week and see where I ended up:

  • Getting our marriage license: Check! We went to Scott County last week and signed our lives away. We'll be able to pick up the license tomorrow after the mandatory five-day waiting period.
  • Figuring out if a state shutdown would mean we couldn't do a courthouse marriage to make it legit: Oh boy, was this ever a doozy. Long story short, I never did get a straight answer, but that's OK because my Truth Pirate Anna called me up after reading that post and was all, "Dude. My beef can do it." Tom, holy of holies from the Internet-certified Church of Tom, has already nupped some of his friends and could slap his signature on our marriage certificate immediately following the ceremony. Now we don't have to have two anniversaries! Everybody dance! Check! (PS: find the hilarry musings of both Anna and Tom at
  • Forcing the Dude to get measured for his tux: Check! Only one groomsman and his fazhah and my P'pa left to get measured (hint, hint, Daddy dear).
  • Meet with the photographer: Check! I have her on the hunt for a castle in the south metro where we can take the bridal party shots. I need it to have a moat, seven butlers and tapestries depicting handsome chevaliers. I WILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS.
  • Make a unity candle: Well, I didn't end up making one, but FMIL gifted us with a beautiful engraved number. Check!
  • Find a glass for us to break: Fail. Does anyone have a chipped wine glass they want to donate to the cause?
  • Make a hairpiece: Fail. I went to a yarn store and got some lovely fuchsia fiber I was going to attempt to knit into a flower. Then Ma got some crafty rosettes, pearls and a feather. We'll see if they turn into anything, but I'm still waiting for inspiration to strike. 
  • Figure out our guestbook situation: Check! I ordered a delightfully cheesy visual history of our relationship via Snapfish.
Not on the checklist but of note: I had some lovely brideslaves (or "wedding fairies" as they preferred to be called) over last Wednesday for a Favor Box Assembly Line. I did the box assembly, Manders did the tag punching, Anna did the ribbon cutting, Lo did the tag ribboning, and then we all pitched in on the godforsaken ribbon bow tying. We knocked out 123 of those suckers in one single night. Industriousness brought to you by wine, grilled cheese, and delicious ice cream treats.

My ma and I also visited our friends at Security Jewelers in Duluth to peruse wedding bands and we chose matting for our super-hot ketubah. 

This week's plans include, er, gluing paper to other paper and then cutting it into circles for escort cards, wrangling our last RSVPs (don't even get me started... a topic for another post), having a dress fitting, preparing for my aufruf this Saturday in Duluth (you should come!) and finishing the last of those rapscallion favor boxes.

It shall be done. Mark my words... it shall be done.

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