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January 24, 2011

France and I are officially expiration date-ing

My dear m'ma bought me my ticket home today. As I write this sentence, I have three months, 16 days, four minutes and four seconds left until I board the plane that will take me from Mother France.

For those of you planning to meet me at the Minneapolis airport with adorable handmade signs, a bottle of Blue Moon beer (with an orange slice, please), a bowl of chicken wild rice soup, as much customer service as you can muster and a big fluffy couch, you have exactly three months, 16 days, 10 hours, 35 minutes and 38 seconds from this writing to make that happen.

And in case you were wondering, I've been in France now for three months, 30 days, one hour, 20 minutes and 55 seconds. And yes, I am enjoying the new countdown widget on my Mac's dashboard, MerciBeaucoupMonsieurDame.

I have so much left I want to do here, and now that I've secured my return ticket the clock is ticking. There's no way I can leave France with my pride intact before I:
  • Buy a beautiful article of clothing that I'll wear forever. When people ask me where it's from I'll sniff, look forlornly in the distance and say, "This? I picked this up on Rue Croissant de l'Amour on a sunny day in Aix-en-Provence, where the lavender scent on the breeze was mingling ever-so-tantalizingly with the earthy scent of the truffles I had scavenged myself in the Forêt des Pâtes Sauvages that very morning. The salesman told me it made me look onctueuse, and I was in no position to disagree."
  • Am mistaken for a native Frenchwoman... after I open my mouth.
  • Bring a drageur (pick-up artist) to his knees with an insult so original and beautifully crafted that said dude will be so ashamed of his catcalls and whistles that he can do nothing but join the monastic brotherhood who craft Chartreuse in the Alps, for his days of womanizing are over. Every time I hang out with my French friends I have them teach me the vulgarities of their language, so I feel this day is coming soon.
  • Participate in an impromptu song and dance number on the streets of Gay Paree, as illustrated in this little ditty from Funny Face (hat tip: Kellstar):

Any other ideas of must-dos before I leave Cheesy Wineland? Leave 'em in the comments below. Time is running out, mes amies. I now only have three months, 15 days, 23 hours and 44 seconds to git 'er done!

1 comment:

  1. I'm trying so badly to NOT think about a return to the States. Just the thought of it depresses me...

    -Barb the French Bean